The practice is located a little inland of Lake Michigan, about 10 miles from the resort towns so the clientele is mixed of very high income to very low income and Dr. B says the variety helps keep them on their toes. It's also about 10 miles from two of my aunt and uncles in a very adorable lake resort town that I have always adored and my aunts are already clucking about planning my life in town with them; which I find hilarious.
It was a working interview that lasted from 9:00-6:30! We went on farm calls and saw appointments and she had me doing a lot. She asked me a lot of questions and I hope my knowledge base was up to par! She seemed really interested in me and we talked about how I would fit into the clinic. She invited me back for a second interview on a surgery day next week and told me to be thinking about what I would need in a contract and whatnot.
My gut was telling me I could live there, I could work there. Everyone got along great and things seemed really smooth. Of course I'm an over thinker so my anxiety has questions and concerns and I'm sure I'll have to weigh it all out but if she called me tomorrow and offered me the job I would say yes.
Tomorrow I am going to visit my roommate from TK. She's married, has a baby, is going to business school. We're going to marvel at how much we've changed and how amazing it is that we're still alive and fighting.
Is recovery possible?
What does recovery mean? What does recovery look like?
Who am I if I am recovered? Where do the parts of me shut off by recovery go?
Do I really want recovery? What is holding me back?
What the fuck am I doing with my life?!
I am so discouraged. And frustrated. All I want to do is sleep/lay in bed or on the couch all day.
I am also already tired of my parents.
I cannot count the number of times I have wondered how the FUCK this has become my life in the last 5 weeks. Today's moment came when I was sitting next to a woman who has battled schizophrenia for 30+ years while we chuckled over the ridiculousness of our "self esteem brochures"
Mental illness doesn't discriminate and it sure doesn't give a fuck how smart or capable you are. If only those on the outside of this world could see that.
Trying to stay busy and recovery focused and remember my boundaries.
Mostly just want to sleep all day. Must stay out of bed.
Snuck phone in with parents! I am alive and doing ehhhhh. But I am alive. So there's that.
Ughhhh insurance companies are such a pain in the ass to deal with.